I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She tied me up with her honor cords...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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