how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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