i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
