Pregnant stripper...not hot.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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