She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
cat food counts as protein by the way
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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