I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
