coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
