Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
