last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
