I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
