I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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