it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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