I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
