You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
