remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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