Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
