I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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