You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
