he thought i was a dude.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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