It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Pants are for mortals
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
