and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
