Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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