just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
ok first of all what the fuck
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize