we made out on top of his cat.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
