The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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