I can tuck mytits in my pants
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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