I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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