glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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