I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
The best revenge is premature balding
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
We have started to decorate penises.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
