Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Randomize
