I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
