my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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