I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
