Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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