I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Drake has all the answers
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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