I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
