We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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