I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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