I seem to have left my pride at pride
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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