remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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