someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
