Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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