You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize