dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
