I want to stick my p in your. b.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
