The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
