New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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