Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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