just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
So squirting runs in the family.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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