cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
