Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
