Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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