I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is her dick bigger than yours?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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