Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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