apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
