no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
