i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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